Beauty in the Unexpected

I just got back from a walk in the rain. It's amazing how much going for a walk is always able to clear my head. Before I go I usually think I'll be bored without music to listen to, but with each step I take it's like the fog in my brain gets cleared away; until I'm left with only the truth - without anything being clouded by doubt, worry or anxiety. Everything seems to be put into perspective.

I realise it is useless to get so depressed about all the atrocities in the world. Overwhelmingly the people you meet are good, and kind, and don't want to hurt others. For all the bad things out there, there are so many good things too, and hopefully more. When you walk, and you take the time to look around you, you see all the things you might have missed if you had just been striding purposefully along without noticing. You see that even in a street filled with tar and concrete and warehouses, there is life pushing up out of the footpath. Even though it's a weed, when the sun emerges from the clouds for a moment, reflecting off the damp concrete and illuminating the leaves, it's just as beautiful as any flower.

Water rushes along the side of the road, washes down driveways, unencumbered. If you close your eyes it could be the background of any meditation music, trickling over pebbles in a stream. You glance between two houses, beyond a cluttered driveway, and are momentarily stopped by the image of deep, dark blue sky, enhanced by the gray and white clouds not quite covering it, over a green hill in the distance.

The rain continues in a sun shower and there is something about the light reflecting off the path you walk on, something about the path ahead being framed by trees, and flowers with their dripping leaves, that you can't even say why it draws you.

A random backyard, otherwise nondescript, features a spooky tree that looks like an extra from a horror movie, one that would seem more at  home next to a mysterious manor, yet is kooky for how out of place it is here.

And on the final stretch, away from any manicured gardens or precisely planned flower beds, is the prettiest shade of magenta that you have to stop, to reach out and touch it.

Maybe these things only hold magic for me but nonetheless I found beauty in the unexpected. And as I enjoyed finding all these things I felt the mental clarity of realising what is important and what is not. If I want to write, I damn well just need to write. It doesn't matter if I can't think of a good plot or I don't know where it's going, as long as I write something. It doesn't matter that I've missed a lot of opportunities in my life, what matters is that I take the ones I have now.

Struggling with Belief

It's hard to admit, even to myself, after being born and raised a Catholic, that I don't believe in God. A part of me, even now as I type this, struggles to relinquish the belief completely. At the very least I think I can say that I don't feel like I am a Catholic anymore. I haven't been a practicing Catholic, and by that I mean going to Mass, for at least 5 years. If I choose to go to Mass on Christmas or Easter, or get married in a Church, I think in my heart it is for sentimental reasons; because that is the tradition I was raised in.

Why am I thinking about these things? Well, I just found out that a friend of a friend, someone that I had seen from time to time at parties, was on the flight MH17 that was shot down over Ukrainian airspace. At only 25 years old, after travelling for 7 weeks in Europe, he was killed suddenly on the way home, for no good reason. When people encounter tragedy like this it often makes them wonder why there is suffering in the world, why bad things happen to innocent people, and how God, if he exists, could let this happen. For me it just reinforces my lately held belief that there is no rhyme or reason to these things in life. They just happen. They can be utterly shit and devastating but it is just random.

The thing is, life IS what you make of it, (something which my Mum has often quoted), and what I believe in most of all is that life is frail and it is sacred; it is beautiful and sometimes it is devastating.

Who is God anyway? An omnipresent being, okay, maybe I can deal with that part, but the part about him being the one who gives us the rules for right and wrong, who judges and sometimes punishes, who dispenses suffering so that we can turn to him for strength? When religious people do good things or are generally good people, I don't think it is because they believe in God and follow a certain religion. The choices that people make are their own. For good or bad. Just like when religious zealots do horrible things in the name of their beliefs, their ability to lack empathy and hurt people and interpret religious writings in an extreme way is a human choice. The thing is, the "word of God", a religious text, can be interpreted in many different ways by people. Some people choose a peaceful interpretation of it, and some people choose to see it as an excuse to exclude others or even kill them. But those interpretations are completely our choices. Of course there are many different shades to the spectrum but on one side there are those who at heart want to be peaceful and empathetic, help others, treat others the way they would like to be treated; and on the other there are those who want to believe that only one way is right, perhaps they believe everything they read in the bible about what is right and wrong, and so they disapprove of homosexual people, or perhaps they believe that all non followers of Islam must be killed, or something like that.

I think I am explaining it badly but what I am trying to say is that people's choices to do what is right, or what is wrong, or some shade in between, are completely their own choices.

There are so many different religions and belief systems in the world, and have been throughout time, how could all of them be right or wrong? I think religion at it's heart is two things: it is a way of creating certain values and rules to live by (like the ten commandments), and it is a way of trying to understand the meaning of life and how we all got here and the reason for it. Basically, why are we here, and what should we do? I don't blame people for wanting to answer these questions, it is perfectly understandable and for the most part there is no harm in it. When religions help the poor and needy that is great - but there are plenty of atheists who are kind and do good deeds. And there are terrorists that use religion as an excuse for murder - but there are plenty of atheists who do bad things as well. I guess what I am trying to say is that whether you are a good person or not has nothing to do with whether you are religious or believe in God.

If there is a God I don't think he would want people to be killing or doing bad things in his name. I don't think he would want people to be judged for their sexuality. All the interpretations of God that exist in the world are just that, interpretations - human ones.

I have found it hard to stop believing in fate but everything that I have learned in life seems to have lead me to this point. On one hand it is sad, but on the other hand it gives one the freedom to make the most of their life and appreciate every moment they have. If I believe in God, it is maybe as a divine force that connects all things and gives them life, the most precious gift. And humans were given an extra gift, the ability to love and be loved.

Sigh, I started this post feeling so sure of what I was trying to say, and now I am just even more confused.

Little Pleasures

When I opened my curtains this morning I was greeted by cloudy gray skies, wind and steady rain. I think it's funny that it makes a lot of people depressed, when it makes me happy to see it. I think it's so beautiful, like a rainforest with water cascading down onto wet leaves and bringing out all the different greens. I love the romance and the mystery of it. I love rugging up in scarves and jumpers and boots. Water is a life giving force, at times fierce as it plunges down a river, at other times gentle as a light sprinkle on your skin. Of course it's universally agreed that hearing the patter of rain on your roof at night while you're tucked up in bed is such a contented feeling.



It got me thinking about life's little pleasures - and of course I was thinking about that when taking a hot shower, another one of life's pleasures on cold gray days! I think most of the little pleasures we have are sensory. So I decided to make a list of all the simple things that can give us such immediate happiness:

- Jumping into a cold pool on a ridiculously hot day, then getting out and sitting in the sun. The warmth feels so amazing on wet skin.

- Having a shower and getting into warm dry clothes after said dip in the pool.

- Hot showers on cold days

- Rugging up in comfy pyjamas and sitting on the couch with a blanket, a pet or significant other to cuddle up to, a cup of tea and a good book or movie.

- Being able to get up leisurely in the morning, casually wander to the kitchen and turn on the kettle to make a cup of tea

- The sizzle of bacon in the frying pan and the smell permeating the kitchen

- Savouring chocolate as it melts in your mouth, preferably accompanied by a cup of well brewed loose leaf tea

- The smell of Italian cooking...and the taste! Basil, garlic...

- This probably doesn't count quite in the same category but I just thought of it. Don't you just love that last day of school/work/obligation before breaking for Christmas? In Australia it's guaranteed to always be hot and humid, your clothes sticking to you as you pack away things for the holiday period and do end of year cleaning up, the fans not doing that much to cool you down. No one does any real work, and there's the delicious anticipation of holidays and presents and Christmas lunch and family and friend get-togethers. For me, last year I was working at after school care on this particular day. It was indeed insanely hot, and we all sheltered in the air conditioned class room watching "Home Alone" and doing Christmas craft (that deserves its own special mention in itself!) I think I enjoyed colouring in Christmas cards more than the kids themselves. I guess the pleasure about this sort of day is the whole atmosphere and anticipation in the air. Can you tell I love Christmas? Which brings me to...

- Wandering around the streets looking at Christmas lights, when a cool breeze is finally giving you a break from the heat of the day. Seeing the colourful lights twinkling on trees and imbibing everywhere with a sense of magic. Reading the Christmas stories you read as a kid. Hearing catches of Christmas carols and songs in shops and perhaps even houses as you pass by. The fun of wrapping up presents and watching them pile up under the Christmas tree. Christmas cookies, chocolate coated nuts, tins of shortbread... And the piece de resistance, Christmas lunch! Oh, baked chicken, pumpkin, potatoes, apple sauce, green beans...and since it's Australia there's always salads and prawns as well in homage to the hot weather. Of course I don't eat the prawns but I don't mind them being there because they add to the Aussie Christmas vibe.

Okay, now I've ranted far too long about everything I love about Christmas. Can you tell it's that time of year? And I start to act like I'm 5 years old again?

There could be so many more to add to the list I've made so far. I think it would be great to have a whole list to read whenever you're feeling a bit mopey. I've noticed that life's little pleasures are all an immediate gratification. They aren't the type of pleasure you get from, say, working at something for a while and finally seeing the reward. But those small things are a huge part of day to day happiness and quite simply a joy for just living in the moment.